Mitchell Bros Eros Feast or, " Excuse me officer I have a special license Sir!"

Our almost fat Elvisied protagonist Fletcher Quill and his running mate world renowned hard rocking Glimmer Twin Keith Richards have just left Golden Gate Park San Francisco after ingesting much purple Bear type brain food and spending three days in Abbott Sammy Kinnison's incredible underground faire world.. Quill's Italian bred F1 is being wrung out on the back streets headed for O'Farrel St. The much acclaimed porn emporium, " Mitchell Bros". It's early morning Tuesday night no traffic and the Prodigal Fool lets his heavy foot have its way.....

" Quill, this thing is a beast! We are going to catch a cop if you keep!" ( Quill's heavy foot pushing 40mph/160 every chance he gets...) ( Running Brotherhood Way, Cliffhouse,Back Streets)

" Dude, we got red lights and two of San Francisco's finest female police officers who look large and in charge." Near Lake Merced long deserted empty stretch near fabled Ocean Beach, Great Highway Baby.......

" Ok boys, been drinking and partying have we?"

" No more usual Mam, here is my license, registration and by the way nice Handle Bar Mustache."

Two comely police officers smile when they see Quill's special new diplomatic immunity license in it's cool red leather case.. ( two crisp 100 dollar bills tucked in just right!)

" Oh my we have very important diplomats on a secret mission hey big spenders? You two take your monopoly money and we won't arrest you for attempted cuteness with tooo much license."

" Secret mission indeed, headed for the Mitchell Bros. in fact anything else ladies?

" Are you the Fletcher Quill the fly fishing Master? One more thing Mr. Esoteric flyman, if you keep rolling through my fu--ing jungle at extreme speeds, we will shut you down roadblock with nails that inflict about three grand in tire wheel damage ace. Your cute and a known player with J.Y.D Junk yard dog tendencies says the computer read out. Look awfully docile to me sweety."

" You two absolute dream boats ought drop 140 lbs or so shave that beard, loose the deep voice and who knows midnight to 4am shifts at Mitchell Bros. Working that special lap dance crowd, hell you two Paris & Nicky could yank down 15, 20 bucks a shift hey Keith?"

" Hey you wonderful police birds he is just pulling your chain abit girls ok now, we have so much to do and the Italian beast is heating up...."

" How about an autograph Mr. Fly Fishing?"

" Princess you unbutton those 38GG's your hiding and old Quilly will write a friggin novel on that right one sugar.... Keith we are needing a little booster Matey? Ta Ta girls." ( Quill lights up the pavement with 600 Italian screaming horses tearing up Frisco blacktop baby!)

" Dude they were both cute, I would do the one with the Full Balcony for sure. Try and tune my bad ass local FM radio boys Lamont & Tenneli Featuring Super Producer Sully the Tasmanian Mad Man on 107.7 The Bone. Love those fools in the morning, the only full on rock radio left my man."

As the cherry red F1 pulls into the Mitchell Bros porn palace parking lot and ugly paint spattered green Pacer slams into the front left side at a high rate of speed. The damage is bad and our hero is about to go ballistic!

" What the, listen young woman... "( Mutha Superior Serena looking in on one of her many Fallen Angels is a vision herself. Blond from one end to the other about five foot four around 110 pounds of absolute heartbreaker!

" Oh Dear such language a man your age with an expensive car ought not to be frequenting den's of inequity Sir!"

" You gotta be the finest Nun I ever came across Sista, where is thy flock may I query"

" Point Lobos Nunnery, Winery And School For Unwed Mothers or PLNWASFUM nestled on the backside of Lands End near the fabled Cliff House Restaurant, I'm certain you gentlemen have not crossed our paths."

" Tow truck is on the way Sista, I will take rap for this which will go about 50 big ones atleast! Give me all your info and maybe Santa will surprise the girls Xmas."

" Very sorry Mr. Quill, lovely little car. What can I do to make up for this awful afternoon my good man?"

" Prey for my friend and I to stay safe or go out in ablaze of glory would be nice. Your way to attractive Sista, makes me kind of nervous talking to you in this infamous parking lot where many nasty deeds have been done dirt cheap ..." ( Thanks Angus, ACDC.)

" Remember Mr. Quill these girls all come from families and have mothers and fathers. They are actually human beings in case you have not noticed Sir?"

" Stay in touch Mutha' Superia', we have much social work and giving for your girls my Dear."

Mitchell Bros Theater is almost unchanged from Quill's last visit circa 1995. The boys head straight for the upstairs stage manager booth on the catwalk. The place where Hunter S Thompson held court just above the stage. Various awfully attractive young woman come and go with much subdued fanfare. The smells and sounds are classic old school burlesque minus baggy pants comics.

Mitchell Bros. has been home to the absolute most attractive ladies who crave time on the wild side.

Many girls have gone on to Phd's, married famous men, gone to Hollywood, of the Alumni many now live in spendid nirvana thanks to old Jim & Arty San Francisco First Amendment warriors, characters of the first order.... Too bad one sunny day Jim put a bullet into his brother and killed him...

" Ok girls hit it, " We love you Fletcher Quill, shoot to thrill, too many woman, too many still! Miss that face, miss that Bad Ass laugh that come with the wad of cash. No ones & fives from Mr. San Francisco, all Benjies folded neat and pretty. Our panty's miss you, our hearts miss you, our libidos crave you. Like Elvis said, " I ain't' asking much of you, just a big hunk of love will do." lets get this party started yall! Too much conversation, lets get to it!" Massive lap dancing ensues...)

" Lordy, lordy, Quilly this is nice and sweet! Better take a little booster my boy, one more killer Orange barrel from our Mr. Bear and its go time Mr. Song writer.. How did that new tune go, " Stealin Time from the empty gold mine, living on stolin time..." ( No Viagra for these boys thank you!)

" Dude, Hunter Gonzo Thompson was deep into this scene, befriended many of the ladies and studied it with a writers eye. Boys from around the world have sat in these cush chairs and let Mom nature have her wild ways. Which reminds me of the North American Indian concept of sex, " That which makes you crazy!" This place is a sanctuary for those whose Eros quotient is rare and exotic and limitless. Another San Francisco gift to humanity no strings attached buddy."

" Too true , this lovely little jewel of a port city is so magical, easy to see why artists of all persuasions might like to camp here. Whenever the Stones hit San Fran it's a party with sweet old friends from before Bill Graham ripped us off for some serious cash by hiding seats at a Candlestick Concert ( Whole back row went to uncle Bill) . We dug uncle Bill, but common knowledge he was crafty as the Beasty Boys like say , " Girl was Crafty ". No hard feelings after we caught old Bill he opted right to it all street like which I loved." ( Hard reality, can be proven! Eye witness's)

Show Time

" You boys wish refreshments while we change the girls, now feel free to pick your favorites as its your night Prodigal madman. We have closed the doors, private party with 25 of the most smoking hot young ladies you ever put your filthy paws on. Now lets get this thing kickin and bring out our little Blue eyed dirty girl from the great state of Idaho Ms. Frosty Cones all 36-24-34 inches of pure lust my friends dancing to a short nasty medley of your personal favorite Mr. San Francisco, " Girls Got Rhythm ACDC, at full volume enjoy, Kid Rocks new killer hit " Toooo Hot " , " Love Stinks" Jake Isll's band featuring singer named Mr. Wolf."

This atmosphere continues until the wee hours as the endless drugs and sex begin to wear our boys down, Quill's cell phone comes alive its la Sharon calling from Quill's Northern Ireland Castle Ravens' Haven... ( Quill's long time movie star main squeeze now baby sitting Paris Hilton, convicted criminal who rarely wears Panties...)

More Wet Panty References

" Sooooo Mr. San Francisco I can smell the wet Panties from here! Have we just about exhausted our pathetic selves lover boy? You better have save some ammo for the Castle sunshine? When are you getting your ass castle bound fool? Oh yeah Paris says hi and loves Timba your cat, remember your cat, your international star girlfriend?" ( Panties mentioned numerous times of course! Always caitalized.)

" Love my star girlfriend and my cat, miss you both. We leave here in the morning after I Pow Wow with General Parker, we activate on the Carrier Group in ten days."

" Keith lets rap this scene up Buddy, gotta get to the Zoo and the grizzly exhibit meet with Duke Parker."

Personal Quietude Exploration

While heading quietly across town and out to Ocean Beach where the ZOO resides both friends now exploring the sanctity of their own personal quietude....... Not as much fun as jamming in the mighty F1. San Francisco Zoo recently revamped with a world class wild bear habitat built from donations including the grand old highly respected newspaper family the Hearsts. The Grizzly habitat as its called is open space a running creek and rocks vaguely like the wide open spaces the two bear sisters might have lived and thrived had it not been for its worst and only enemy man.

" Duke, what up Homey?"

" Quill, Kieth love these big hairy ladies man, got to love that Hearst family such generosity boys!"

" So my friend are you ready for the big show? We plant our ancient butts on that Carrier Group in ten days and then its go time General. The Cowboy said you have my orders, I have your secret code names and all incripted code breaking CD's. We blow out of here for Northern Ireland Raven's Haven this afternoon."

" Outstanding Marine. Can't wait to get this thing on. We take the main cities in three days affirmative!"

This months episode dedicated to Mad max, Thanks Mel, you will always rock Dude!!!!!!
** Mutha Superia Serena will be a regular character, welcome aboard S.S.

Next Month: How Bad You Gotta Be? Prodigal Fool Castle Bound Baby...