Fog City's boy mayor better call for backup! King Salmon action over the Atlantic?

666, Keith Richards ( Glimmer Twin )Fletcher Quill, spirit brother his lowness Abbott Sammy Kinnison ( Car crash killed comic of dubious history!) Are now flying at approximately 500 feet over the Atlantic Ocean after a long flight over China its time to begin searching for the schools of migrating king Salmon and other game fish. The jet copters array of Sonar, G.P.S. assisted underwater radar terrain scanners light up three big screens. After much chin music about everything from Chicago Blues harp players and the best lobster chefs in the world all eyes are glued to the three dimension underwater digital cameras. The latest technology not yet available to the unwashed K Mart Shopper!

During the eight hour flight to icy Atlantic black waters Keith made sure to slip a large handful of Quill's once frozen 1970s Haight Ashbury Magic Mushrooms stolen from the Grateful Dead's 710 Address baby! These Shrooms were personally tested by Ken Kesey, Burroughs, and the main North Beach bad boys. The chopper cabin has been resplendent and graced with the lilting sounds of Etta James, Co Co Taylor, Areatha Franklin and all those other young ladies who own the down and dirty blues. Abbott Sammy in spirit person has kept everyone in stitches with his story of running into old Mr. Late Night King Johnny Carson at a Malibu gas station. The Great Carnac was filling his shiny new red corvette as the live version of the bawdy Vegas, HBO, comic pulled up next to him and said, " Soo Johnny I got a big bag of blow and two blonds with triple D's you wanna party ?" " Carson said he would love to but was on his way to a Barbra Strisand barbecue and wanted to get their before Bab's got all slushed and rude!" Abbott Sammy said when he did Carson's show after the first few times. He was always visited by Johnny in the Green Room a great honor. Carson's spokesmen alleged it was only to see how far gone Kinnison was before show time....

" Keith, Dude I still can't believe you dosed the friggin Dali lama man! Ok yeah, well we both dosed the Cowboy remember him riding that wooden horse stick all over the Oval office high as Boy George on street cleaning duty. But, the Man God hisself, you gotta get him wasted and his boys with him? His Monk Pack ( a new word coined?) was face painting and chanting my wild ass chants about poor Paris Hilton's lack of panties. Oh that reminds me, I gotta call Sharon and arrange for our little Paris to get sprung quick. That fool Govanotor owes me big time Pally"

" You do go on like my dear old Mom there Quilly. Ok, so the old wizard and his lads take alitttle trip and clear those cobwebs. What's the harm then Mate? You saw their contented faces hey? Well then, might be Bloody good for all of them take a little trip... No worries hey 666?"

" Worries, about what gentlemen? You left in fine reputation and perhaps just in time. Oh time how I miss the whole concept of not enough time. It really helped me ravage quite afew fallen angels with low self esteem.

Your favorite flavor hey Quill, that old low self esteem thang hey San Francisco bad boy?"

" Ok, quiet boys before we get into any serious Ocean fly fishing I gotta call the Govonator pronto! Hello Arnold Mr. President is that you sir?"

" Mr. President who is this girly man with the sweet girly voice in my earrr?"

" Fletcher Quill Sir, we met at the International Film Festival two yrs ago? I gave you my backstage Rolling Stones Pass remember? Keith is here with me we are now flying in th VP's jet chopper over the Atlantic. I want to ask an important favor, urgent favor in fact!"

" Yeah, yeah, I already know, you want me to free Ms. Hilton's flabby ass from the posh hoosgow it that about it Mr. Fly Man?"

" Ok, lets talk Hollywood what I can do for you Terminator Man, Mr. California! I have in my possession ten of my own hand tied verified, validated Hollywood Retro Famous actress pubic hair streamer flies tied by me of course my curious friend with the Nazi family history. Now you spring my girl from lesbian nastiness and I give you Harlow, Monroe, Mansfield, Novak, Colbert, Young, and many more complete with matching photos and DNA maps."

" I think you have been smoking the right stuff Mr. Fly Man, hate to see a butterfly put in a cage though this will surely cost me. Maria of course will love it and big boy Teddy will let me have drumstick this Thanksgiving... Ok now other business, so what's Sharon like in the sack, does she do anything special?"

" Glad we have a deal, I guess Sharon is no more or less fun then your little dream girl Skull Woman! She does always seem to tell me how much her time is worth and how little mine is worth at certain sensitive moments?"

" Are you still writing the book, " Care & Feeding Of Your Blond"?"

" Oh yeah, now up to Chapter#16, " Trauma of Hair Cutting & Coloring " This Chapter is almost as important as the last one, " To You Its Only Vanilla Ice Cream, Your Blond Believes It The Stuff Of Life! "

" Fascinating the way your milking blond mythology Fly Man, we must discuss film rights and money when the book becomes a hit which it will. Welcome to the fame game simple fishermen."

" Indeed Sir , Hell you made more gold in Hollywood then Eddy Murphy. One more question before we ajourn? Might you Sir possess special hair samples from your past leading ladies, lovers, gal pals?"

" Oh sure, I give you Darrah Handfuls silky blond tress's and you make flies to barter!"

" Quillmeister look at screen two, we have a pod of maybe 300 King Salmon coming up the port side at around 100 foot depth. Lets drop down and get into these boys like now.

Dude look that guy goes an easy 70 pounds plus! Man, no need to string up rods as Quill's boys preloaded Bamboo 12 weights ready to roll."

Two 15 foot custom jet Zodiacs equipped with under sea sonar/radar are released before the chopper settles on its pontoons. The boats are designed by Fletcher Quill for deep sea fly action under any weather conditions. They were tested in North Antarctic waters and passed with honors. Each side of the Zodiac has four inlaid swivel fighting chairs and rod holding devices. Sequence of casting right away are worked out via hand signals and whistles as the action may get wild quick. All flies are barbless and if left in a fish will dissolve in two weeks. Three separate heads up computer displays keep all fly fishers alert and ready to sight cast to the giants now swimming near the boats. The boys wait until the kings are within 75 feet and begin throwing lines...

" Quill this is insane my main mate, black as black can be and were out in the middle of nothingness looking to fight with these monster salmon on sea going steroids, reminds me of your poor Barry Bonds. Now you contend it don't matter that the Babe was great and real great boozer, Ty Cobb had his enemies as did Joltin Joe and all of them had some kind of beast in closet right Fletcher?"

" Yes all the great ball players had bugs in their acts.... Oh boy, just felt a good hit at around 6o feet. Yeah baby there it is ( Quill jolts the bamboo rod setting the hook on a nice 58 pound king and their off and at it! ( Quill straps into fighting harness and special fly fighting chair.) Man this guy is brute strength Dudes, I let out 200 yards and he is still running!"

" Here we go Mate, now I set the hook like you did with a slight jolt and were connected like me and my wife Mick. Hold on now, this thing ain't ready for afternoon tea? "

Now the Zodiac is being pulled in two directions by the huge hooked King Salmon. The action continues for another two hours and then dies off...

" Man, that was great fly action Quill, those Zodiacs take to the open ocean like me & Mick take to Chicago or Frisco.... So here Dude take another fist full of these magic Shrooms and I'll tell you about the time we kept Barry Manilowly waiting for two hours and then shined him on after about 30 seconds. Or maybe the one about your poor little Ms. Hilton showing up backstage with that other blond your crazy about Martha Steward, did you not let Martha hang at your castle during her lawless days Quilly? How about stepping up Matey and asking Arnold to let our little Paris come hang at your Raven's Haven and make fast friends with your Sharon?"

" Fabulous idea oh Glimmer Twin master of all things rock like?, How about right now while we search for next king pod. Hello Govonator your Highness, I'm leaving this message knowing your right now doing your very best to spring our poor desperate girl.

I will allow you to resentence her to spend her time in my custody at my remote northern Ireland castle Raven's Haven. Of course my long time girl friend Sharon Stone and my staff will be on hand to see to her needs."

" Dude excellent your so giving Mr. International Bad Girl Blond Expert Sir! Look Dude another big group or flock or school or whatever of kings......"

Next Month: Will Paris and Sharon bond? Will La Sharon kill our hero?

Duke Of Sutro Estate

In the long difficult history of San Francisco and America's struggle to find any real answers to homelessness or rather chronic homelessness, one bright light has flickered out this past Memorial Day. I first met The Duke Of Sutro Estates while walking with a date near the Cliffhouse restaurant over ten years ago. He placed his old Marine Corps cover or hat to you civilians down in front of him where he sat and began reading his books. He did not beg or engage the mostly liberal population who walked by because in his words, " These softies can't really understand good old Irish Marine Corps philosophy? You get my drift there Sargent Fallon?

Duke or the Dukester and I a fellow Irish Marine Vietnam era disabled would confab for hours as I sat next to him while he panhandled. He usually made about five dollars in a 6 hour session, not including what I and his many pals gave him when we could. Duke always helped the many waitress's who walked to their cars late at night. He befriended so many cooks, other street people, and gave away all most every dime anyone ever gave him. He was all Irish heart and soul through and through and I and many others loved him. Duke also happened to be a longtime Marine Corps Sniper who worked around the world for many years according to his own stories. He was awarded the Navy Cross, Bronze Star and several Purple Hearts. He was a Recon Marine and possibly if half the tales I heard are true quite famous for his exploits.

Duke died alone in the area where he first lived as a run away at the age of 13. He lived a life of adventure and generous spirit. The many hours I spent sitting with him watching the eyes of America try to grasp his sad situation will never leave me. In a way his last ten years were spent as he lived as a Marine Sniper, alone hidden..... yet he touched everyone who ever met him. In the last several years Duke Parker A.K.A. General Duke Parker has starred in my ongoing fly fiction serial titled, " Adventures Of Fletcher Quill " on the web. He was an outstanding Marine and a local legend, more important he was one of my best friends... Semper Fi Duke!

Written By Dan Fallon USMC 65/72 Disabled Vietnam Vet
May 29, 2007